"Normal"

I find myself overwhelmed; big crowds, people speaking English, dryers, dish washers, speed limits, grocery stores, rinsing my toothbrush with faucet water, air conditioning, greasy American food, phone calls, the list could go on. Adjusting back to the high class American life could be said to be overwhelming, especially as I sit in my parents HUGE house. Most don't understand how I feel and the truth is I don't really know how to describe it. Sometimes I feel guilty with all this 'stuff', other times I feel self righteous, but mostly I feel sad. I am sad that I am back, sad that I can't change my situation when every part of my being is telling me to run, just run back, get on a plane and go back! Sad that I am not more content with where I am. Disappointed that I am again struggling with finding joy and not fully living where God has me now. I am not really sure if I will return to the "normal" self that I was before I left, but I guess that is a good thing, God has changed me, yet again changed my worldview.
I think back on those first couple of days in Guatemala; I think of those two sick boys with their apathetic mother. I am again flooded with emotions as I hear the words repeat in my head, "The eldest one past away", and am again reminded of his suffering, but thankful that his suffering is over.  The memories of those boys fill my thoughts, and I hear the words again, "the other boy, the younger one, has also past away". Two boys gone in a matter of weeks due to extreme malnourishment and there sits their mother with grief I am sure I could never imagine, holding her new baby. Here I sit, praying that the death of her two boys will somehow, someway save this new baby.
"...but to give thanks is an action and rejoice is a verb and these are not mere pulsing emotions. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving". ~(Ann Voskamp) Just when I start to feel sorry myself I read these words and am again convicted. If I was able to find joy on the cold concrete floors in Santa Inez and Chopen, surly I can find joy here...right? It's easier to be thankful for things when you are surround by thankful people despite their poverty, but this is America the country that spent one BILLION dollars on fireworks just last year for the Fourth of July. It's easy to be comfortable, ungratful, and complacent, but God has called us to rise above and rejoice in where we are (Philippians 4:4, Habakkuk 3:18, James 1:2). I think it's our pride. We want to praise ourselves for our accomplishments, praise ourselves for all the money we have, when really non of this is ours. Nothing that we have here on earth is truly ours, it is all God's and somehow, by His crazy grace, He has chosen to entrust it to us; shouldn't that produce thankfulness and therefore joy? Instead we have become proud and pride is a joy killer. "Pride slays thanksgiving...A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves". ~(Henry Beecher) I think of Christ; my God humbled himself to a cross, what humility. There it is I have found my joy, my thankfulness and somehow it always points back to the cross, to the gospel! Oh and how thankful I am for the cross, for Jesus' sacrifice, for His humility as He emptied the cup of Gods wrath on himself. I may not be where I want to be, I may wish I could run back, I may feel like an empty vessel, something that God can't use, but He is the potter and He continues to mold, shape and use me in ways that I don't understand. It's when He does this that He truly get's all the glory because I time and again fall short and have nothing to offer. I hope that in my smallness I can point to Him, to the cross, always being thankful and finding joy in the truth of the gospel. May I find joy in EVERYTHING because Jesus' sacrifice is EVERYTHING.

"...I will shake the heavens and the earth."

Again I forced a smile; they can see right through me, they can all see right through me. I can’t help myself; here I am on a bus leaving the place I love, the place that I call home, the place where everything just seems to make sense. I am on the bus surrounded by the people I care so much about, all the OR4 guys and gals and of course Brian, Rachel, and Abuelito. I know that they can see it in my eyes; no matter how hard I try I know that it is written all over my face. I hate this, I HATE this part; you know that time when every good thing comes to an end? How did five weeks already pass? All I can do is dread getting off the plane in New Mexico and having to once again readjust my life in America. I hold back the tears and think. I don’t want to remember it like this; I don’t want this to be the way I use these next 3-4 hours, gloating in my sadness. I must fully live in this moment instead of living and regretting where I am right now.

I recount all the memories I have made in the past two days; bonding with the Georgia team, jokes that will last a lifetime, and seeing a wedding in the central park. I’m going to miss it, but this isn’t a good bye this is Nik-Na (Achi), I am leaving now, but I will return. I will miss the smells, the ones of burning trash and bodily functions of animals. I will miss these people, from their incredible hospitality to their contagious smiles despite their poverty. I will miss being called Tia Fia by the little voices of my lovely nieces. I will miss fresh hot tortillas, which I can pack away just like any Guatemalan. But what I will miss most is this simple life. I will miss watching person after person family after family consistently clinging to God in spite of their situations.

I think of Adela. I have known Adela for two years now and this is the second time where I have been blessed to live with her. As she poured out her heart to me on our last night together I can’t help but be convicted of my faith. Here the unmarried 31 year old Adela sat telling me that she is here on faith, she has no supporters and there have been times where she has gone nights without eating, but somehow God has always provided. What faith. What an encouragement. Despite her many health problems, I have never heard a complaint out of her mouth; she is always singing, smiling, praising.

Tomorrow I will leave this land and return to my life in the states. Sometimes I feel like a cheat. I live in Guatemala, I fully live here. I am the person that I want to be a vessel that God can use, but then I go back to my ‘other life’ and sometimes I find that I have lost myself. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t feel as close to Him in the states as I do when I am here in Guate. Maybe that’s why I come down here every year. I know readjusting to the states is going to be hard, but I will choose to continue to listen to the voice of God in my life. I am thankful for this time that I have had here. I am thankful for the lifelong friends I have made. I cannot wait to see where God leads me next and where he leads the ministries of Guatemala!

PS :  Also, I would just like to say that I just survived my first  earthquake! I thinks it's a sign, I have angered the gods...!

My Lovely nieces 

 Stayed long enough to see her smile!

 Hello Antigua!

 Ruins of Antigua

 Fun times at the park, Dani trying to imitate dance! ha.

 Catholic Church in Antigua

 Our group, OR4 and los gringos

I love my crazy beautiful family!

A Glimpse into my Life

One more week in paradise....that is all I have

left. This week has been crazy with early wake up calls and late nights. For this blog I decided to post some videos from past outreaches. I hope that you will be able to enjoy each one, since each one tells a different story. Some of these are funny happenings while others are from outreaches to kids. This first video is from the first week that I was here. Our group from Desert Springs Church sang an Achi song called "Nukaw". 

I wanted to post a video of some Achi babbling's so that way those of you who haven't had the chance to hear this beautiful language will finally have the chance. Here is part one.

Here is part two of the Achi babbling's. Hector I'm pretty 

sure was telling the girls that either I was his future wife

or that I didn't have hair because I had a bad case of

lice. He likes to joke like that...rude.

This is from our outreach in Chopen, teaching the kids "I have joy".

Pardon my horrible technology skills. This video is sideways, sorry. Here is the video from Chilasco Falls, it was gorgeous. 

I have SO much love for these little girls as I have watched

them grow up before my eyes. I cannot wait for more years with them. 

Best video ever! Brian unsuccessfully trying to carry a 5 

gallon water container up the mountain to an outreach! Ha.

A short video from earlier this week. A team from Georgia
has come to San Miguel for a week. We have been visiting
various towns holding medical clinics. I have been in the pharmacy translating from English to Spanish and then my translator is explaining the medications to the patient in Achi.

Views that will last a Lifetime

As I lay in the back of a red jeep my heart sank as I left our outreach to San Gabriel early do to a stomach attack. For five years I have struggled with these strange pains that consume my entire body and once they start there is no way for me to control them, all I can do is sleep. I guess that is why I started to go to the doctor almost eight months ago and still I find myself in the same situation, missing out because my body attacks itself (or at least that’s how it feels).  I lay there and think; what did I do wrong? As I remember my day nothing abnormal stinks out in my mind. Just an hour ago I was walking the streets of San Gabriel being blessed again by more home visits and yet again in awe of the boldness the OR4 guys have in Christ. I must find thankfulness even in my situation and so I do. I find the eucharisteo’s. “And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me” (-Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

My 6:00 AM wake-up call once again comes way too soon. On the bus ride up the mountain before a grueling hour hike to the remote Latin village of Chopen I am thankful that my stomach pains have subsided. I should have had a bigger breakfast. For some reason a small bowl of yogurt and a slice of pineapple wasn’t quite enough food to make it up the mountain. I found myself in between my small prayers of “Lord, don’t let me throw up” and “Lord give me energy, don’t let me pass out”, in awe of the fields of corn, rolling clouds, and moss rocks (my dad would have wanted to take every one of them home, he loves moss rocks). My heart leapt for joy as Hector announced, “Five more minutes”. However, I should have reminded myself that five minutes in Guatemala time is more like fifteen.

 One of the families we saw on our house visits. The father just 9 days before was trampled by a horse. God has abounding grace.

 Our outreach began. Here is the small village of Chopen comprised of seventeen families without a single church. I have never seen more beautiful people than the people that live in Chopen. I found myself surrounded by dark skin people with blue and green eyes, not sure how that Punnett square worked out. All afternoon I was surrounded by beautiful smiling and laughing children as we played game after game; from duck, duck, goose to balloon futbol it was pure bliss. I watched the sunset as our group hiked back to the school where we would be sleeping on yet another concrete floor. We made ourselves a bonfire, cooked what was supposed to be Chorizo, and went to bed. The next morning I was glad to have all ten toes as no one informed me that Chopen would be freezing! On a lighter note: I have a weird obsession with baby pigs. For 6 years now I have dreamt about owning my very own tea cup pig. With that being said, my dream of getting to touch a baby pig finally came true.

Look at that FACE!!!

I should have worn sunscreen. We hiked down from Chopen (3-4 miles) we were waiting where the road ends for the bus to pick us up to take us back to San Miguel. Eder and I decided that we would walk down the road until the bus drove by and then we would just hop in the car to ride the rest of the way. The bus was an hour and a half late so by the time the rest of the team got picked up Eder and I had already made the six mile or so hike down to San Miguel.

Blessed would be one word that would sum up this journey that I have taken to Guatemala. As Eder and I hiked down to San Miguel we shared stories; stories of Eucharisteo. For two hours we recounted stories of God’s faithfulness in our lives; of God’s provision, grace, and blessings through suffering. This will be something that I will always remember.

I thought that I was sore when I woke up the next day, but nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel after the hike to Chilasco Falls. We arrived at the falls for a fun day off from outreach and more relationship building with the OR4 guys. It was the most breath taking waterfall I have ever seen; all pointing to God’s ridiculously skilled creativity. For a solid hour we crawled over slim covered rocks laughing and splashing each other as the cold water fell from the sky on our shoulders. It was an absolutely once in a life time event. I say that because I think if I ever had to hike back up from the falls again I would die!

 The fog and scenery was amazing!

 From about 1km away

Very excited to be crawling around and the base of a giant waterfall!

 Yes I was that girl. 

Thanksgiving, Grace, Joy

It is a little word called Eucharisteo that I will probably spend my entire life trying to accomplish. Eucharisteo means thanksgiving. The root word Charis meaning grace and from that the root word Chara meaning joy. As I live my life I try with each passing day to find things that I am thankful for, you could say my 1000 gifts. These are gifts that I hope to count, they are meant to be found in the simple things they don’t need to be big, just things that you can thank God for. I have learned that when you search for things to be thankful for you realize just how much there is to be thankful for. It is all by God’s grace nothing else and from realizing my thankfulness for God’s grace in the small things I have found a joy in my everyday life.

 Atol

 The Catholic Church on the next hill over

 Catholic Church

The back of our pick-up.  Safe? 

As our team arrived in Santa Inez for a two day outreach I was immediately taken aback by the breathtaking views. We immediately were invited up to the church to meet the community leaders and eat what I thought would be our breakfast. As a huge bowl of Atol was handed to me I sat down to drink this bowl of mush. (Atol: texture: glue. Taste: liquid tortilla + a hint of chile and salt). With each swallow I could feel a complaint coming to my lips, but then I stopped and remembered Eucharisteo. This moment I know that I can find something that I am thankful for.

·         ~Safe traveling up to this beautiful place

·         ~A bowl of warm food, as others have empty hungry bellies

·         ~the sacrifice people must have made to feed me this bowl of mush

There, I have done it I have found JOY! As each new mouthful went down the taste became better and better and just like that I was done. I then found out that that was our appetizer and that we needed to walk down to the pastor’s house for actual breakfast. After our breakfast we piled into the back of a pick-up and drove to the soccer field for some fun with the youth of the town. When I say ‘we piled into the back of a pick-up’ I mean our team plus about 15 other Guatemalans.

Fast-forward to 3:30 PM. We had just finished lunch and just like that we were off to make house visits. As I stood and the bottom of an 80 degree incline hill I questioned our leader again just to make sure I heard him right, “the houses we need to go to are up there…?” Our leader was not mistaken. For about a mile we climbed, well I might as well make this fun! “Ok Eder lets race, you and me. Who can get up to the top the fastest? Ready, set, Go!” And just like that we were off running up this hill, leaping from rock to rock, laughing our heads off. (I would also like to take a moment and just point out that I think Guatemalans have the home court advantage or maybe it was just that fact that Eder didn’t want me to make him look like a fool if a girl beat him)  I lost -_-  . We stopped to catch our breath and waited for the others to catch up, but then between our heavy breaths and laughs and somewhere lost in translation I soon found myself running after Eder up another hill. This process repeated itself at least another five times. We stopped at our first house and I found yet another thing to be thankful for: Morro (Blackberry) juice that the family gave us. Up another hill to another house, running after Eder down the hill, over to another hill to see another family and yet again more races to the top, and then back down and over to the next hill. Up, over, down, up, over, up and then finally back down. Four hours of hiking/racing/praying/blessings that was my afternoon.

My morning of finding thanksgiving was just a prelude to my night. “Well time to go to bed, wait I mean floor.” Fast-forward to 3:00 AM and there I lay wide awake on the hard concrete with a throbbing hip. For those who know me going to bed is quite a process; from washing my face and applying my skin medicine to needing at least two blankets, a face mask, and earplugs ‘roughing it’ is not really in my vocabulary when it comes to sleeping arrangements. So here I lay under a mosquito as a cool breeze chilled my bald head from the window above. Yet again I had the opportunity to grow a seed of bitterness or of thanksgiving. I found myself laying there counting my eucharisteo’s:

·         ~ a soft pillow to rest my head

·         ~ a warm blanket

·         ~ a roof over my head

·         ~ going to bed with a full stomach, as others go hungry

·         ~ a mosquito net

·         ~ more hours to spend with the Lord

·         ~ snores from the room next door

·         ~ flashlights for Bible reading

For hours I laid there, I counted, I thanked until the sun rose over the hillside and a new day broke. 

 The Guatemalan way of sitting two people in a hammock :)

Rachel and I rockin' it the Guatemalan way

San Nicolas

My days seem to be flying by. As each new day starts God seems to always have something new in store for me. This past week the rest of the Desert Springs team (12 other people) headed back to the states. As for Rachel, Brian, Marvin, Tana, and myself we have stayed back for an extra month. I have truly seen and experienced God using us in way that I have never experienced on any of my prior mission trips.

Wednesday Brian, Rachel, and I went to a dear friend of mines (Irma) school to help her teach an English class. I was expecting an elementary class because I knew that she worked at an elementary school however, I found myself standing at the front of a class room teaching thirty 20-48 year olds English. Brian and Rachel, who had never taught an English class before, were obviously hesitant, a little awkward, and clearly out of their comfort zone. However, in the end it turned out to be really fun and a really big encouragement for all of us. At the end of the class Irma asked her students if they wanted to say anything to us. One of the older men in the classroom stood up and said, “Thank you for helping my people”. You could see in his eyes how sincere he was and it was such an affirmation to me. I am here in Guatemala and I am doing good, even when I feel like I am not doing enough or that I could be doing so much more. God brought me to that school to tell me just what I needed to hear and to leave encouraged and praising God for using me.

 Bus ride up to San Nicolas with the lovely Adela.

Hector and I talking on our cucumber phones=)

Thursday was a long day of outreach. Yesterday we went to San Nicolas for an outreach with OR4. OR4 is an organization that a group of Achi men started 8 years ago. They created this organization to reach out to the young people in San Miguel and in neighboring villages. We arrived at San Nicolas late in the afternoon; we soon split up into three smaller groups and walked around the village, door to door, inviting people to come to our event and prayed for any specific needs they had. Many people asked for prayer for illnesses, family problems, and spiritual growth. One girl even asked for help accepting Christ into her heart. Her mother-in-law gave us all cucumbers as a “thank you”. It was a sweet time to lay hands on the Achi people as we continue to build relationships with them. At 6:45 we started a big fogota (bonfire) out in the middle of a soccer field where Rachel gave her testimony, we had a time of worship, and a local pastor Omar gave a sermon. I was very encouraged my Omar’s teaching. (Insert small rabbit trail/background info) A lot of the Achi churches have many of these same issues as American churches. One issue that seems to be reoccurring here is that many of the Christians want to put on a “spiritual show”. This is difficult to explain, because I do not know what is really going on in their hearts (maybe im just being insensitive and judgemental), but I think I see it for what it really is and it has become more evident to me with each passing year that I come down to Guatemala. It is most obvious in their prayers. It seems that many of the Christians here force themselves to become overly emotional, to the point where they are weeping, and just repeating the same things (like “God you are big and great”) over and over to try to prolong their prayers. Maybe if it was an unusual thing, it would be more believeable, it happens almost every single time they pray, as if they were taught that this is just the way you pray. In a large group setting, this is compounded as they try to “out-spiritualize” each other. Does this sound familiar? Yes, it happens all the time in America, and I think it’s exactly the kind of thing Jesus warns against in Matthew 6…

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others…and when you pray,do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. ”

Luckily this is one of the things Omar addressed in his teaching last night. He told the people that many time people do “spiritual shows” as to show how spiritual they are however, they are not pointing to their relationship with Chirst, but rather, they are just pointing to a religion. I write all of this with some hesitation, because maybe it really is all legitimate. I have seen that these people truly know what it means to fully put their hope and trust in Christ. They don't have material things to appoint as their gods as we do in America. They have to constantly trust in God that he will provide everything - even their next meal. Maybe their hyper-emotion is simply the natural response to the fully-realized goodness, love, and mercy of our God. Regardless, I think one thing is sure: we need more of Omar's Mark Driscoll-style conviction in America.